One of the thoughts I've been pondering over the past week or so as I delve into branding and strategic direction, revolves around the concept of right and wrong decisions. So often when we sit back in reflection we start 'assessing' and asking ourselves things like "did I do the right thing there?" or "did I get that one wrong?"

In my contemplation, as it often does, my clients have a beautiful way of bringing my internal musings into new focus, by shining a light with their own personal stories and struggles. In almost poetic timing, a recent discussion looked at the idea of making choices - specifically, how to make 'the right' choice.

Now if you are new here or just discovering this post for the first time, I want to share that I am proudly AuDHDer (Autistic and ADHD) and I tend to take side quests, and while they can seem unrelated at first, they usually circle back, so stick with me.

Like many Neurodivergent folk out there, I have a V E R Y strong sense of justice. I would describe my younger self as very black and white with a firm understanding of right and wrong. Something was either right or I was telling Mum! Yep, I was that kid, 'the dobber'.

The rules are the rules, and you need to follow them because, well, they are the rules.... duh!

Only, what happens when the rules weren't made for you? Or when they don't quite fit? When they chafe, or even make you unwell?

Well, that was me too. From dobbing to Mum, it was a hop-skip-and-jump to 'teachers pet', quickly followed by a decade of bullying. And if you know much about what long term bullying can do, it would not surprise you to hear I became all to familiar with anxiety and depression. The explicit rules were clear: "Listen to the teacher", "do as you're told", "be a good girl". However, no-one told me about the unwritten rules - the social nuances. You know the the one's in Australian society that cut down anyone who might seem like a 'tall poppy'. The rules that dictate where you sit in the classroom, whether the teacher is asking 'you' or just 'generally' or when kids were saying one thing but meaning another. It felt like there must have been a day where everyone got herded into some classroom where they taught you the social rules on how to understand other people, and I was off sick that day.

No one told me about the hidden rules, so when those 'rights or wrongs' started to go from really black and white to shades of grey, the world suddenly got really confusing. I didn't know why people would treat me unkindly, in fact I still sometimes don't.

What if the rules that taught me right from wrong, were built for Neurotypical people, and the reason they never fit, no matter how hard I tried, were because they were never meant for me?

This theory holds even more truth when we consider, if the rules aren't just about the school yard, but become what you 'should do' in the adult world. You know those sentences that started with "but i should..." What if we discarded these rigid binaries? What if we didn't judge our performance, worthiness, success of failures based on a set of self-imposed rules, and instead just did what feels right for us?

When I shared this perspective with my client, after they had unknowingly offered the answer to my internal musings, it opened up further possibilities. Beyond the contemplation of what choice to make in the right now, what about the bigger societal rules we have hemmed ourselves into, and how could choosing what feels right empower you to step into your own life, authentically.

Not a neurotypical or neurodivergent life; nor with a big house, new car or boat; or a life based on choices that make other people happy. Instead, a life that is Just Right for YOU.

#actuallyautistic #AuDHD