Understanding Meltdowns: A Guide for Allies
Meltdowns are often misunderstood and misinterpreted by others, especially if you haven’t had much experience with them first-hand. As allies, parents, carers, or just people in the community, having a deeper understanding on what a meltdown is, why it happens and how we can help, is essential to supporting someone in an affirming way. This guide aims to shed light on meltdowns, and help you support another person with kindness.
What is a meltdown?
A meltdown is NOT a tantrum or bad behaviour. It’s a intense reaction of the nervous system to overwhelming input that exceeds someone’s capacity to cope. They look different for everyone.
Cry, scream or make other vocalisations
Engage in repetitive movements - flapping, rocking, clench or grind teeth, or head banging
Have difficulty communicating - situational mutism is where people are temporarily not able to verbally communicate
Experience emotions intensely - big feelings
Lose control of their actions temporarily - hitting, punching, biting, throwing or breaking objects
Zoning out or dissociating
Running away - either a need to move or escape the trigger or meltdown itself.
The are not manipulative or attention seeking. They are a nervous system based response to overwhelm, and represent a stress related survival state - it is genuine distress. A person in distress needs kindness.
What Causes Meltdowns?
A meltdown happens when a person’s nervous system has reached a overwhelm threshold. It’s a stress response and can be caused by:
Sensory Overwhelm: Autistic persons often have differences in how their sensory system processes information. This means bright lights, strong smells, loud noises, uncomfortable textures or crowded spaces can become overwhelming.
Emotional Overload: Neurodivergent people have brain-based differences, and often have more sensitive nervous systems. Strong emotions, whether positive or negative can be difficult to process or regulate.
Cognitive Load: Processing too much information, dealing with unexpected or sudden changes, or navigating social situations can be mentally exhausting and a contributing factor to a meltdown.
Accumulated Stress: Often meltdowns happen after a build up of small stressors over time, not just one big trigger. see my capacity cup blog post for an analogy to explain how accumulation can occur.
Communication differences: Frustration not being able to be understood, or able to express your needs can also be a trigger for a meltdown.
Unmet needs: may include any of the above, loss of autonomy or control, pain, lack of sleep, transitions, big life changes.
Every Autistic person has different triggers, or a combination of triggers that may be the reason for a meltdown happening. These can change over time and in different contexts.
Signs a Meltdown Might be Imminent
Learning to recognise the warning signs for a meltdown, is often a complex skill to learn, involving integrating Sensory, and Cognitive skills. As a result it is helpful when supportive people are able to help recognise and implement strategies that may help with regulation and reduce the likelihood of the stress response of a meltdown.
Some common signs a meltdown is coming include;
Increased stimming (self-stimulation behaviours like fidgeting, rocking, or pacing)
Finding it harder to communicate needs
Withdrawing more often or not doing the things they usually enjoy
Increased sensitivity to sensory input (covering ears, needing darker spaces etc)
More irritable or anxious than usual
These are just some examples of signs, and each person is different in how the 'warning’ signs of a meltdown presents. The more you get to know someone the more easily you will be able to recognise and support someone.
How to support someone during a Meltdown
If you are supporting someone during a meltdown here are some things to consider.
What you CAN do
create a safe space around the person
remove dangerous objects if necessary
remove additional triggers to meltdown - i.e., reduce sensory input by turning down lights or removing additional noise, ask others to leave or allow more space
stay calm and speak quietly, or not at all
don’t touch the person unless they ask or confirm consent
give one instruction at a time, and allow space for the person to process
keep any conversation simple and direct. someone having a meltdown may not be able to communicate verbally
if there is a strategy you know of that supports during a meltdown, you can offer this - i.e., noise cancelling headphones, deep pressure (with consent) or soft blanket.
What NOT to do:
Don’t try to work out what caused the meltdown while its happening - the person’s brain is in a stress response and they are not able to process the why yet. This can happen later
Don’t try to provide logic, or reason with the person - telling someone that you can catch the next bus, or buy another ice cream is not helpful.
Don’t make demands or set consequences - this is not a tantrum, it is a nervous system in distress. Punishment for a response they are not able to control is unhelpful.
Don’t take it personally - this is not about you, its not deliberate or calculated. Meltdowns are not fun for the person experiencing them and can be scary.
Don’t touch or try to restrain the person - you can try to eliminate safety risks.
Don’t punish, scold, humiliate or punish someone for a meltdown - it’s not a response the person has control of, they usually want it to end too, and often feel shame or embarrassment after.
Don’t rush recovery - allow time, space and support the person to regulate their nervous system
What’s the difference between a Meltdown and a Shutdown?
Meltdowns are an external sign of distress, where shutdowns are an internalised response. During a shutdown someone might:
become quiet or unable to verbally communicate (situational mutism)
appear frozen or unable to move
seem disconnected, or zoned out - dissociation
be unable to process information or respond to questions or instructions
need to withdraw or isolate
Shutdowns are just a different response to distress - and often similar responses assist in creating a person a safe space to regulate and recover.
Who experiences Meltdowns?
Anyone can, but it is more often talked about when referencing the Autistic or Neurodivergent Community. *The Neurodivergent Community includes anyone with a brain-based difference - e.g. ADHD, Autism, Schizophrenia, Acquired Brain Injury etc.
Meltdowns and Shutdowns can happen for both Adults and Children! The expression may look the same or different, but the same principals apply - remove triggers where possible, and support the person with dignity, respect and allow their autonomy.
Preventing Meltdowns
It’s not always possible to prevent a meltdown, but the more aware our community is of possible triggers, the more we can create more inclusive spaces that support the Autistic and Neurodivergent community to be at less risk of overwhelm.
Sensory Friendly Spaces: When we create a space, consider what the impact might be for someone who is more sensitive in Vision, Touch, Taste, Smell or Hearing. Noise and Light are easy changes most community spaces can adjust.
Lived Experience: Listen to people who have the lived experience of meltdowns, and make adjustments to their feedback. Most Autistic or Neurodivergent people are the expert in their own needs, and would be very happy to see more Neuro-affirming spaces in the community.
Inclusion vs Accommodations: Inclusion is where we consider the needs of all when we design or use a space. An accommodation is when we just make an adjustment for the people who have different needs. Spaces that are inclusive of Accessibility for people with a disability, are typically inclusive of the majority too. This allows everyone to thrive, and doesn’t single out those with a disability as ‘other’.
Key Points
Meltdowns are not a choice, or bad behaviour - it is a Nervous System response to distress. Understanding allows for Empathy.
Be calm, kind, and patient.
Remove safety risks where possible, don’t talk to (or speak calmly and quietly) or touch the person.
You can offer strategies but don’t overwhelm with supports.
You can explore what caused the Meltdown AFTER the person has recovered from their meltdown.
How can you make your spaces more inclusive so Meltdowns are more easily prevented.
